Earlier this week I blogged about my current work situation, and how much I hate the job. I’m in a very stressful position right now, because the current project demands it, and my manager wants to get me a promotion next year (to which I stupidly replied “I’d love to”. I mean, should I just blow my cover and say “dude, I’m out of this whole ‘work’ stuff in 3 years anyway, why would I want a promotion now?”Let’s be serious!), and that means more work.
It seems destiny heard me, because it knocked on my door. I got contacted on the exact same day by managers in our company’s Japanese branch, looking for a guy like me to fill a gap in their teams. I was contacted, not for one job offer in Japan, but for 3, within 24h.
Destiny had a role here, but these people contacted me because I’ve been in touch with former colleagues in Japan telling them I was strongly thinking of coming back to Japan. So, it was not completely luck.
Anyway, those guys are all looking for a replacement “now”, not in early 2017 which is my current plan to go back to Japan. See, as much as I hate my current job, I strongly believe in the project I’m working on, and I’d like to be around when it gets released. As I considered the options offered by these managers in Japan, a bunch of conflicting feelings invaded me. Yes, moving back to Japan (or, working remotely for a team in Japan until I relocate) would possibly make a huge chunk of the pain go away. In my experience, there has been much less pressure working with teams in Japan than teams here in the US (I won’t dive into details here)
Isn’t it exactly what I wanted? Well, it turns out after chatting with those guys, I was not so happy with the idea of jumping ship so early. There was the fact that I want to see the project reach completion as I mentioned above, but also the fact that I don’t want to be remembered as the guy who “jumped ship” as soon as things became difficult. I pictured my manager telling me at the end of the year “this was a very tough project and you made it happen, I’m proud of you”, and somehow that alone made me want to stick to the current project.
For a guy who can’t wait to quit working forever, it’s kind of ironic that pride in my commitment and job achievements are pulling me back.
There’s also the fact that none of the teams I’ve talked to in Japan are doing anything that particularly excites me. Although I’m now convinced that my job, independently of the team, would be boring to me, at least I feel some pride in working on a project I believe in (even if my own part in this project bores me to death. Am I making sense?)
There was also this broader feeling of being a “quitter” not only in my current team, but for my personal goals as well: when I moved to the US with my family 16 month ago, I promised myself we would stay here at least 24 months (also if you’ve followed in the former article, I would *owe* my company money if I decided to quit before the 24 months period… interestingly I ‘m wondering if this applies in the case where I move to Japan within the same company), the initial plan was actually closer to 5 years, actually. So, reducing that to just a dozen months gave me a bitter taste of failure.
I think nobody likes failure, and accepting the jobs in Japan right now felt like failure to me. I’ve rejected the job offers, telling the managers I would be more than open to discuss again around October, when my family’s ready to go back to the US. Some of them have offered me to work for them remotely for the rest of the year, but something in me apparently needs to see this current project and team through the end. I am still not sure if it’s a biased sense of loyalty, or just the need to not be a quitter.
Either way I feel stupid for complaining about my work conditions a few days ago, being offered a way out on a silver platter, and somehow refusing it.
This is also telling me that, as many Early Retirees have experienced, when the day comes that I’m financially independent, I might have a hard time actually giving my resignation letter…