How to write a good comment on Yahoo finance articles

Maybe I’m the only financial blogger out there to read yahoo finance, maybe others have already moved on and do better things with their time…

Yahoo finance used to be my primary source of information for stock and market related stuff. It’s not the case anymore (the best source of information for the stock market is to ignore the media and stay the course), but I still read it, for some reason.

Although the articles are in general terrible from an information perspective – don’t make your investment decisions based on the articles you can find on Yahoo finance! -, they are great for entertainment. In particular the comments section.

Disclaimer: the following is obviously sarcastic… but I thought I’d point it out in case you are one of the people who would actually post that kind of comments on Yahoo finance (there are, after all, quite a huge number of them)

Here’s a guideline on how to write a good comment on yahoo finance:

  • If the article mentions some bad news about the US economy, the right way to write your comment is to blame the issue on Obama. Forget that the president has no real power on how the economy behaves, that’s not the point.
    • If somebody already blamed the problem on Obama, you can usually double down and add that Janet Yellen is conspiring with him to ruin America. Use the word “Obozo” as well if possible to show that you mean business.
    • If you’re more on the democrat side, don’t hesitate to prove the first comment wrong with your wisdom on how the economy was actually ruined by George Bush, and how Obama’s administration is only unicorns and rainbows. That kind of constructive answer will usually be more than welcome by other commenters.
  • When the article is good news for the U.S economy, please share with other readers your own anecdote that contradicts the piece of news. We’re sure you know at least one person who is unemployed in your city, and that definitely proves the article wrong.
    • Involving Yellen and Obama here is again a good idea. They are probably in direct contact with the writers at Yahoo so that everyone can lie about the current status of the economy and how unemployment has never been so low (we all know this is a lie, my sister in Detroit hasn’t been able to find a job in more than 6 months).
    • Bonus points if you can blame Obamacare in the process.
  • When the article is good news for the U.S market, the etiquette of Yahoo requires that you insist the Market is completely disconnected from the US economy and from real people. It is essential that you use the words “casino”, “rigged” and “crooks” in your comment. Mention the Fed as much as possible.
    • Bonus points if your comment makes it a battle between the 1% and the middle class. Pretend that global wealth is a zero sum game: if the markets are going up, it probably means some nasty traders are getting richer while the rest of us are getting poorer. You know very well that things are going to turn real bad when the middle class doesn’t have enough money to pay for the luxuries of the 1%, and we want that explanation from you.
  • When the article is bad news for the Stock Market, you have two options:
    • The first one is to blame it on the Fed and Obama (again). Just like every other issue in the US, they are responsible for the mess, obviously. To add some color, you can show your wisdom by mentioning the oil glut and how China’s economy is doomed, taking the rest of the world down with it.
    • If you start talking about the Oil Glut and China’s economy, people will instantly realize that you’re an expert trader. At this point, comment readers expect you to share your tips on the future of the stock Market. We all can’t wait to read how you’ve done better than everyone else so far by moving all your wealth to cash just before the last correction, and how you are waiting for the right time to move back in, then short everything. After all, you’ve been beating the market for decades now and can’t wait to share your wisdom with the world for free.

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An important note about racist comments: A racist comment, when it is too obvious, will get you lots of downvotes. Luckily, you have ways to insult foreign people while getting warm support from your fellow yahoo audience. Do not say “I hate Mexicans”, instead say “We have too many illegal immigrants”. People with the right mindset will understand what you mean. Do not say “I hate Indians”, instead say “Look at all those damn H1B visas taking our jobs”. People will understand here too. In general, it’s great if you can show that all immigrants are scumbags who are only here to collect their wealthcare paycheck, and if you forget that this country was built from the ground up by immigrants (your ancestors)┬ájust a few hundred years ago. Immigrants back then were the good ones. Nowadays, immigrants have no respect, and they’re all illegal anyway. Alternatively, you can start one of your comments with “I’m not racist, but…”

Summary

You clearly know what’s going wrong with the world, while other commenters, and in particular the author of the article*, don’t. It is essential that you share your wisdom on the yahoo comments section for the world to realize how much you know.

* We agree on that point, articles on Yahoo finance that pretend they can explain what’s happening, and, worse, what’s going to happen are just as dumb as the comments section itself. People who write on these financial sites should be held accountable and fined if their predictions turn out to be incorrect.

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